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'How To Control Anger With Kids' How to know you are controlling as a parent
October 27, 2015
Many parents I speak with always ask me the same question;
How do I know when I am controlling?
The first response I always say is; what does control mean to you?
This is very important to understand. If it means:
1. Being told what to do
2. Stopped doing what you want to do
3. Taking over what you do/interrupting
4. Not allowing you to make your own mistakes
5. Trying to save you all the time to not feel pain
6. Not wanting to hurt your feelings by not saying how your really feel
7. Forced to do something you do not want to
8. Not hearing your side of the story
These are some examples of how some people see 'control'. Depending on your childhood experiences, this is where you need to become clear on how you see control. Remember it is never about stating if you have had a 'good' or 'bad' childhood. It is to remember that no matter what childhood you have experienced, you are a unique individual who will remember a situation according to your feelings. Every single person experiences feelings of pain, anger, frustration, happiness and calmness. Each emotion is remembered and linked to a specific experience.
When adults are saying certain phrases as the listed examples above, you as an adult will only see this as trying to help someone - especially a child. You of course, will not feel you are controlling. It is very easy to become offended when someone points out that you are controlling. This does not mean you are a 'bad' person, but they have a right to say how your actions make them have the right to feel the way they do. Let’s look at some example phrases related to 'controlling'.
As you read some of the phrases below, think how you now as an adult do not like certain things done to you, and how could they possibly relate below from your childhood? Can you link it to a childhood memory? The memory can seem so silly, but it is not, if it is leaving an emotion of feeling controlled.