'How to support my child with anxiety'

STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES................BUT WORDS WILL FOREVER HARM ME

Do you remember this statement we were all told when we were children; ' Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me'

This is what I was told to say when I was a child........

Looking back at my childhood, when ever I was told to say this statement, I would say it to have something to reply back to another child who was teasing me at the time. Unfortunately the words that were said, stayed in my mind and made me want to change that part of my body for the rest of my life. What was harder to accept was when adults said those statements, I could not respond because they were big and I was small.

What was a told as a child from adults (Remember this is not only from parents, but from school teachers)

- If your thighs touch at the top it means you are fat (told by a teacher)

- you have a big nose (told by a child and adult)

- you are an example of someone who does not care (told by a teacher after failing a test)

- don't be stupid (told by my step mom and step sister)

- You are a pig you eat so much (told by my step sister)

Where do the words children speak that are destructive start? We all know the answer to that question...........adults. If a child is being constantly told they are different, having things pointed out that is so called wrong - they will do what any normal child does and believe them or pass on the same behaviour.

As an adult, you may be trying to 'help' your child by guiding them and 'pointing out' what they are in your eyes doing wrong. This can cause the worst anxiety for a child. When I gave birth to my child I was very curious to hear how other adults felt it was OK to 'point out' what they felt was not complete in their eyes. This clearly told me how they were spoken to as a child.

To be clear, lets first understand what criticism means:

The act of passing judgement as to the merits of anything.

The act of passing severe judgement; censure; faultfinding.

Any word that does not create an atmosphere of love or peace when 'pointing out' something is criticism. A baby will never criticise an adult because they are in full acceptance of themselves. When they do start destructive behaviour, it is because they have learnt how to do it. You, as an adult may be 'joking' in your opinion. Until you understand the complete destruction you can create.

I hope this post will make adults think twice before 'pointing out' what they feel is incomplete.

Why am I asking you to be more aware of your words?

I work with children who have anxiety, deep hurt and pain because they have adults or children 'point out' what is incomplete.

What was my child told?

- Ginger

- You have a double chin

- You are getting fat

- Don't be silly or stupid

- You are a pig you eat so much

Looking at how perfect children are, it is always easier to 'point out' what you find incomplete in a baby because they cannot defend themselves. Babies are constantly storing information in their brains from birth. They may not speak, but they are learning through their eyes. Out of the blue when they do start to speak, they have learnt how to by witnessing what adults have taught them to do.

How do words cause anxiety?

If a child is constantly told or pointed out what is incomplete, they will believe it. They start to see themselves as 'incomplete' or not perfect the way they are. They start to see that they are 'different' and that 'different' is bad.

My question to the adults when I am told; 'I am only joking' is - Why does the joke have to be destructive?

How can you support your child with anxiety through art?