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'How to help my child deal with anxiety' How do I pass on anxiety to my child?


Life is all about excitement, chances and of course learning!!! One important lesson for myself is understanding that I am a perfect parent just the way I am, and I only want the best for my child like you do. As my parents wanted the best for me too, as well as your parents. Ignorance, unfortunately is the one of the barriers that can stop a parent from growing and learning - especially when things are taken personally and not dealt with to heal emotionally.

I was very lucky to have my mother in law offer to baby sit my daughter when I was working on various days. I am very happy in knowing the fact that she loves my daughter so much and would never do anything to harm her. What is interesting for me - was learning to be aware how easily the impact of any adult can pass their anxiety onto a child. I realised that when I acknowledged and learnt what was happening by recognising signs, I could change it. Speaking with many parents, they feel that they are a failure when something happens to their child that hurts them. I would rather know what is happening to know what to change or at least teach my child how to deal with a situation, without having my fears or the fears of another adult rub off on them.

My mother in law was so careful to not harm my daughter, to the point that she would stress every time she fed her. She would worry about if there were too many bubbles in the milk causing colic, she would worry about the changing station on the travel cot that it would fall if she changed her nappy, she would worry if she would fall down the stairs carrying my daughter and worry when she would lay very close to her muslin cloth with her face buried deep to fall asleep. I am really touched that she cared so much. The problem was, that I needed to recognise where my daughter became unsettled after every visit and why. She would show signs of being very irritable, she would panic with certain situations that she never used to - like when I pulled clothing over her face - my daughter would start to panic that she couldn't breathe.

I had unfortunately had the experience of witnessing my daughter choke on her milk when she was a few days old. I rushed to her side and burst into tears. From that day, my daughter would panic every time she had milk go down the opposite tube. I started to research into this more and realised where I had 'passed' my anxiety to my child. How can you explain to a baby under 3 months old that your fears had passed onto them?

When ever she choked on milk after that, I would force myself to calm down and I would look into her eyes whilst:

- Using EFT (tapping gently under her eyes) to release stress (EFT - Emotional Freedom techniques)

- I would gently and calmly say: 'This is mommy's fears, not yours', 'You are safe'

- I would carry on saying nurturing words and gentle words explaining how this is not her fear

It took a couple of weeks, but she started to calm down, relax and smile. She still does stress when clothing is pulled over her face, but not as much as she used to as I would just keep nurturing her. This made me think WOW!!! How intelligent a baby is firstly and secondly - that my fears are so powerful and can rub off on my daughter! The other powerful revelation was that I could change what I had created.

I spoke to my mother in law explaining this to her. It made her think back to her childhood, the impact her parents had on her when she was young. The point I'm making today is - you are human! You will make mistakes and that is OK! It is about being aware of your fears, your anxiety - acknowledging them, respecting them and changing them so that they do not rub off on your child.

Our college does offer one to one EFT sessions to help you and your child with situations that are 'rubbing' off due to anxiety - for more information - you are more than welcome to contact us


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