'How To Help My Child Make Friends'
When parents come to visit the arts college, we are asked how their children can make friends
Our answer is always, 'What has your child seen how their parents make friends?'
Children learn from their parents. They can feel what you do not say aloud. They witness:
- How you argue with friends
- How you build trust within relationships of the same sex
- How you disagree with friends
- How you manage your friendships
- How you speak to your friends
- How you maintain or nurture your relationships
- How you prioritise your friendships
- How you prioritise your work and play with friendships
- How you get along with groups of friends
- How you speak about each other when they are not around
- How you show yourself to be a dominant or submissive character within a group of friends
This can be both rewarding and disturbing knowing that your child learns how to make friends by watching how you handle your relationships.
If we look deeper, the surrounding family members play a huge role on the strength of friendships.
If for example the parent's mother or sister in law is extremely critical, argumentative - they are showing the 'female' side of a relationship and what to expect from female roles. How their parents respond to the 'female' is of importance too. If the parent's father or brother in law is the same, they are showing the 'male' side of a relationship and what to expect from male roles.
A home is the 'safety net' - The place where children can feel themselves without judgement when they need to feel nurtured. When immediate family visits and the parents allow them to 'disrupt' the safe space - this has a huge impact how your children will make friends and defend themselves in conflict.
Think how you respond when 'family' upset you. Do you keep quiet because they are 'family'? Do you snap or defend yourself? When your children witness how you interact, what you say and especially what you allow - this impacts every part of your child building their trust with people who are not close to the home - especially friends. If they are witnessing that it is OK to speak down to each other, not appreciate gifts or are disrespectful to one another - this teaches your child how to form friendships.......
One technique I always use with my child personally:
I immediately do a form or risk art activity (blowing paint through a straw, smashing paint, throwing paint, colouring hard or quickly)
When there has been conflict within family - I do not stay in the environment and I explain to my child that it is not their 'emotional baggage' and they are safe. I explain the way I respond or react is not their way and that we can speak about it. At the same time I am 'tapping' the EFT point on the karate point or directly under the eyes to 'flush' build up toxins of emotions. I find when I do this, my daughter recuperates very quickly. If I have had a chat with the family, I explain this to her. I am very aware to not speak about them or say if they are 'bad' or 'good'
Look up EFT - Gary Craig introduction video to find out how EFT works
